When Kids don’t want to go to school

What is School Refusal?

Everyone resists going to school once in a while, but School Refusal is a frequent pattern of avoiding school and can cause real problems for a child.

Recognising School Refusal;

• School refusal can mean that children have trouble going to school or trouble leaving home, so they might not go to school at all. 
• School refusers tend to resist going to school for a long time (it’s not a one off).
• There is a lot of distress involved in going to school- crying, tantrums, yelling or screaming. They may complain of aches and pains or feeling sick- which resolves when they stay home. They may also have trouble sleeping as their anxiety about school keeps them awake at night.
• They resist going to school strongly and this resistance can cause a strain in family life.
• Kids with school refusal may also feel sick a lot and regularly visit the sick bay. Although they are at school, they are not staying in class all day so are not fully participating.

Considering all these parts of school refusal is important, because a child can still experience school refusal even if they attend school most days.

Sometimes kids may be anxious about going back to school after being home sick or after a school vacation. For these kids, it is important not to let them stay home. They need to get back in the swing of things as fast as possible to reduce the risk of this turning into a pattern of school refusal. 

Identifying why your child is having trouble going to school

If School Refusal goes on for weeks or longer, it’s time take action:

• To find out what is the cause of your child’s school refusal – it is important to validate your child’s distress and ask your child what they are finding hard about going to school? Show your child that you understand. For example, you could say, “I can see you’re worried about going to school. Tell me what you find so hard about school?” or “I know it’s hard for you…If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?”

• If your child finds it hard to talk about the problem, ask your child to rate each part of the school day – for example, the bus ride, classroom, specialist classes, teachers, peers, break times and being away from parents (separation anxiety can be an issue for school avoiders). Younger children might find it easier to tell you how they feel by pointing to symbols like sad faces or smiley faces.
• Could your child be worried about someone or something going on at home or in your larger family?
• You may also find it helpful to ask their teacher/s or other adults in their life to find out if anything is going on and work with the school to address these concerns.

Finding solutions to school refusal

• Help your child to use a problem-solving approach to the things that make it hard for them to go or stay at school.
• Tell your child that you are working with the school to help make things better to help them go to school.
• If school refusal is related to bullying, it’s always best to work with the school on the problem.
• Consider your child seeing the School Counsellor or a Psychologist if they feel they need extra support managing their worries or fears about school.
• If your child has a learning difficulty that makes it hard for them to enjoy learning, ask what support the school can offer.

It’s important for your child to go to school while they’re getting help with the issue that has caused the school refusal. When your child goes to school, it builds their confidence and resilience. It keeps your child connected with learning, and it’s important for social development. It’s often easier for children to return to school if they haven’t been away from school for too long.

Supporting your child

• Show that you believe your child can go to school by saying positive and encouraging things. For example, ‘You’re showing how brave you are by going to school’. This will build your child’s self-confidence.
• Use direct statements or choices that don’t give your child the chance to say ‘No!’ For example, ‘It’s time to get out of bed’ or “Will you have your breakfast or your shower first?”
• Stay Calm- if your child sees you getting stressed, it can make their anxiety worse.
• Plan for calm starts to the day by having morning and evening routines. Get organised for school the night before.
• Praise your child when they show brave behaviour like getting ready for school.
• Make home boring during the day- no T.V, video games or phone use, instead get your child to do the work provided by school while at home. This will help your child keep up and not inadvertently reward school avoidance behaviour.
• Make drop offs at school quick or get someone else to do the drop off at school if you can.
• Praise your child when they go to school and organise a reward for them for going regularly.

Getting professional help for School Refusal

School refusal often goes along with childhood anxiety. There are excellent programs that can help with Childhood Anxiety like the Cool Kids group program.

Cool kids Providers in Canberra include ;

https://mccg.org.au/services/next-step/

https://www.optimalhealth.com.au/cool-kids-anxiety-program

https://www.canberra.edu.au/health-clinics/clinics-on-offer/psychology

https://www.canberracounselling.com.au/counselling-services/cool-kids-program

Alternately, Psychologists also treat childhood anxiety disorders in one to one sessions. To get a mental health plan so your child can get Medicare rebates for up to 10 sessions per year with a mental health professional, talk to your G.P.

Look after yourself

Supporting your school refusing child can be stressful, so look after yourself with good self-care, rest and social supports. When you are healthy and well, you are best positioned to support your child in going to school.

With thanks to: https://childmind.org/article/when-kids-refuse-to-go-to-school/

How to make a school counselling appointment.

If you would like your child to be seen by the School Counsellor, please either contact your child’s Class Teacher or David Austin-Principal for further information. Alternately, you can email the School Counsellor directly for more information; sarah.foley@mccg.org.au